COA – 101 Things: Attention Whore (#15, #35 & #96)

Well, we’ve come to the end of the 101 things I’m planning on writing up at this stage – it’s been a ridiculous effort, and something I should have done 12 months ago. There are a few I’ve not written up entries for yet, but a) I very much doubt many of you want to read about me completing #18, #41 and #71 – because I don’t over share enough already, and b) it’ll take a long time before I ever write about #68, but I might try to slyly slip it into Keith’s show if it works.

But as we all know, I’m enough of an attention whore as it is without bringing in grim shit like that too. ONWARDS!

15 – Stage Dive or Crowd Surf

Once upon a time, I used to listen to these guys a lot.

A LOTThe Living End, while never truly huge overseas, have done very well over the years and are cultural staples on the Australian music scene. And while I have to admit I loved them when I was younger, I certainly don’t listen to them as much as I used to – they’ve always attracted a certain bogan element I didn’t notice until I wound up at a concert in Edinburgh where The Living End were supporting Enter Shikari, and I ended up drinking with about a dozen fellow Aussies who loved VB a little more than they probably should have.

But back in 2004, The Living End were my musical heroes. So it would only make sense that when they were touring that year I’d go and see them. And being about the same size as Samwise Gamgee it only made sense someone would throw me up on top of the crowd and make me surf it. Yes – I lost my phone, wallet and got molested. But it didn’t stop me doing it another 3 times.

Nowadays - unless I’m with a group keen to get into the thick of it and the music suits it - I tend to stick to the back and enjoy listening to the music. I can jump around like a dickhead at a house party with the stereo pumped up if I really want to, and avoid losing my phone/identity.

35 – Play a Part In Your Favourite TV Show

Now if we’re going to be picky, I’d technically have to do a guest voice on Futurama to complete this. Probably screaming “FOR THE LOVE OF MONKEY JESUS STOP HITTING ME BENDER!”. But while I was back in Perth for a few months in late 2010 I managed to convince some unknowing media students at my old university that I’d make a great co-host on a panel/interview show. And thus began the epic journey that was CreatifTV.

Also, I don’t recognise this guy, but if he’s getting this excited he must have been involved…

Now I’d auditioned while I was still looking for work, but had started working 9-5 by the time filming came around. Which meant turning around to the director of a radiation laboratory and “I have to leave early today so I can interview someone for local television for free, instead of doing the job you’re paying me for”. And since the floor manager didn’t like the shirt I was wore for the first episode, they decided to put me in the thing in the first image to make me look like some sort of grey-scale hippy.

It was a lot of fun, and to be honest I was pretty good at the interview/panel discussion side of things. Dan, the other male presenter was definitely much more polished on camera, but where I really shone was back in the comedy side of things – playing Dr Victor Goodwell.

Dr Goodwell was supposed to be Austrian, Swiss, or some other pseudo-Bavarian sex pest teaching everyone about Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s 10 traits of creative people. Dr Goodwell was also supposed to teach people how to pronounce Csikszentmihalyi’s ridiculous name (pronounced “Schick-sent-me-hail” or “Why-couldn’t-you-just-be-called-Steve”). We filmed all of the Victor pieces in the same afternoon so there wouldn’t be any weird costume variations, but they spread the 10 traits out over the four episodes of the show. So every Tuesday for a month my parents had to endure me putting on a border-line racist accent and overly-sexualising a fake Bavarian psychologist on local television.

Luckily for you, I can’t get the videos of the DVD copy I have. Lets just say watching it adds a whole new dimension of horror to the above still image of Victor hip-thrusting at a photo of Marilyn Manson.

96 – Be An Extra In a Film

Around the same time, a Perth-based comic and script writer I know put out an all-arms call for extras to take part in a short mockumentary called “Not Art” that he’d written with a local short-film maker. And since I had nothing better to do (and had “Be an Extra In a Film” on my 101 things list), I got involved.

“Not Art” was outrageously simple in comparison to doing CreatifTV – primarily because I didn’t have to do anything. The whole premise of the mockumentary was that an artist was pushing the boundaries of what wasn’t art. So for my little scene there with the sax? I had to stand there and not play it. It’s not like the three of us couldn’t move – it’s just that we had to look like we were about to play the instruments, without ever actually playing the instruments.

So the three of us stood around for two hours while they set up all the cameras and stuffed about with lighting. A bunch of other Perth comics were involved too, but it was hardly a funny experience – just a whole lot of waiting to do nothing. We did get fed an amazing buffet though, and there was SOME amusement for me at least: in the final scenes of the film we got to “play” the instruments (silently miming) while marching out of the “gallery” in a line. And I got so into miming playing the sax I ended up smacking the girl – in the foreground of the above photo – in the ass with the saxophone while I swung it around wildly with my eyes closed.

She was not amused.