Random – Micromanage… Promote Synergy… Hit on Debra…

Had dinner with an old mate last night, a guy I haven’t seen or heard much from since he swapped to another university a few years back. Very talented guy, he’s now busting his ass working ridiculous hours at a geophysics modelling firm here in Perth – making good money but seriously earning it. And after the run down on everything he’s been up to and talking about the stupendous hours he’s been putting in, he asked the one question I dread from anyone in the workforce;

So… what do you DO all day?

It’s been fairly common question over the last month or so, with people curious to know what I’m up to after the Navy decided to gang-rape me with a pod of angry Orcas. And since it’s always been my childhood dream to travel to travel the world, experience exotic cultures and kill little brown people, I share with questioners my plan to escape Perth and play with the big boys. But while the paperwork is being processed and arrangements made, people still ask what I’m doing in the mean time. The stand-up stuff has been great fun, but that only consumes the nights (also, it now makes this post seem even bitchier than it was at the time).

So in answer to all your questions, I give you an example of a day in the life of The Mighty Ginge…… what I did today, infact.

0600 – Clock radio kicks on, listen to morning news in bed
0605 – Doze back to sleep with the radio still playing
0630 – Clock radio turns itself off again; Ginge is fast asleep
0700 – Screaming bedside alarm goes off, get up to turn it off, back into bed
0701 – Lay in bed contemplating the god awful dream I’d been having involving hairy elephants.
0705 – Suddenly come to the stunning realisation that the dream was about how my boring and socially-awkward split personality, Bob, doesn’t trust anyone anymore and has been subtley taking over my other personalitys (and my life) for the last 2 years. Bob has become a bitter, untrusting and paranoid shell of a man.
0706 – Another realisation that now we know Bob’s weakness, the other 2 of us in here can finally KILL HIM…

Pooh acted quickly before Swine Flu became Donkey Flu

0707 - Finally, realise I should probably stop eating so much MSG right before bed
0708 – Out of bed with a renewed love of life knowing Bob’s finally going to die. Boot up the laptop and jump in the shower
0715 – Clear email, facebook, forums and twitter.
0730 – Breakfast time: Bacon and Egg Sandwich with BBQ sauce, orange juice and a coffee
0745 – Mum’s home this morning, so we talk about how I just realised I don’t trust people much anymore. She asks if I’ve started taking ice
0840 – Notice my downloads have kicked into high-gear during the “off-peak” period, so I set up 6 episodes of Robot Chicken to download. More facebook and twitter
0900 – Look into accommodation in London for the royal marine recruitment, and flights over there.
1030 – Decide to finally clear my room of the last of the excess shit I have
1100 – Room now looks like a human might even inhabit it. Start on all the washing I’ve been ignoring for a week. Mum asks if there’s anything I want picked up while she’s out; I say a tube of Selley’s All-Clear… she never asks why

Creepy, isn’t it?

1145 – Washing 75% done. Charge inside to stop downloads before midday “on-peak” shaping starts, find Robot Chicken is all done.
1200 – Start watching back-to-back Robot Chicken episodes. Lay down rubber sheet on bed in case I wet myself
1300 – Lunch: Left-over bangers and mash from night before
1330 – Inspired by The Real Paul Verhoeven quitting a soulless corporation, I decide today is the day I’m finally going to post my “Request to Discharge” letter to the navy, effectively ending any final connection to the Australian Defence Force. Only envelope I can find is bright yellow – an idea is born.
1345 – Go and see if my sister’s scooter will work because I’ve been left without a car; battery is dead.
1400 – Write the address for the Navy Reserve cell as neatly as possible on the bright yellow envelope, fit the letter in, then put the gayest stickers I could find in my mum’s Creative Memories stuff all over the outside.

I wonder if they’ll get the subtle message on the back?

1430 – Check scooter – still dead, guessing I’m riding.
1500 – Rode the 12km to the nearest Post Office to buy stamps and “tiny star” glitter.
1530 – Filled discharge letter with starry glitter and mailed it off. People looked at me weird as I filled a letter with glitter then took photos of it…..

I wish I could see my CO’s reaction when this baby turns up

1600 – Ride home again; I’m sweating like a whore in church here.
Spend rest of the day/night blogging today’s activities and planning tomorrow

So as you can see, I’m going at it LIKE A BOSS. If anyone else would like to ask what someone who’s currently unemployed, their internet shaped and without a car does during the day, I would suggest reading the above again.

Screw it, I’m calling the marines now – I’m losing my fucking mind here