Before we bust out with the full-blown review of the movie itself, let me set the scene. I rock up at the cinemas, buy my ticket, grab a coffee from Dome and wander into the theater. The Watchmen has been on for a few weeks, so it’s playing in one of the shitty little back theaters with a center isle so nobody gets the best seats. I’m there about 10 mins early though, so the place is empty while I chill out and drink my coffee.

A few minutes later and no one else has turned up – I might be in luck, might have the theater all to myself! I close my eyes and sip my coffee, half-dozing till the ads start. Alas it’s not to be; some weirdo with more hair in his mullet than I have on my entire body, and wearing his watchmen t-shirt and flannel overshirt, has decided to talk to me about “How empty is this cinema, eh?”.

Great, I’ve managed to made friends with a comic book reading, mullet-wearing bogan from Canada without speaking or making eye contact.

But he’s not the end of it – as I watch the rest of the audience trickle in, I realise a movie like The Watchmen isn’t quite as accessable to the public as I’d previously imagined. I’m in a theater full of RL versions of the comic book guy from the Simpsons; all carrying on about how incredible the graphic novel was, all carrying on about how this could never live up to it. And the only “couples” in there were brothers & sisters….

Comic Book Guys – Worst….. audience….. participants….. ever

Is this what I’ve become? Does reading one of Time magazine’s 100 best novels suddenly make me one of them? The graphic novel is incredible (having only read it a few days ago), but has my geek-dom now finally hit a point that I find myself purely in the company of walking/talking geek stereotypes? The old physics department had it’s fair share, sure – but we also made efforts to keep that shit in check, tried to maintain some basic degree of social skills.

This was a little scary…

Anyway, the movie itself. Having only just finished reading the novel for the first time, it was still very fresh in my mind, so seeing where Zack Snyder had literally lifted cells from the novel was fantastic. Hearing the same dialogue from the novel was a boost too. On the whole he’s been incredibly true to the graphic novel, and in many ways that’s the downfall of the film – it served only to highlight where he’d been forced to stray from the original story, or drop backstory.

LIKE WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GARGANTUAN PSYCHIC SQUID?
Did I mention there were spoilers in this?

I know, I know: time-constraints and transfer to the silver screen and blah de blah blah – at nearly 3 hours long though, the least you could have done is thrown in the damn squid. The time issue was a big one – to cover the ground of the novel a lot of material had to be condensed, reduced, brought forward in time and (in the case of the final act) outright changed. Which would have been fine, if they’d still managed to develop the same level of character depth.

As it was it all felt forced – when I read Rorschach appologise to Nite Owl II for being difficult in the novel, I knew Rorschach had so completely lost touch that Dan was the only connection to the world he had left. When the same scene occured in the film, it felt weird and out of place. It was the same for Dr Manhatten and Silk Spectre II’s conversation on Mars, when Laurie discovers who her father is – awkward and weird

Seeing Rorschach out of control though – losing it with a meat cleaver on a guys head, or flipping out when he’s been framed in Moloch’s apartment – didn’t add up. As far as I could tell in novel he only lost it or showed any emotion at all was when he was first stripped of his mask, or when Dr Manhatten tells him he can’t allow Rorschach to tell the world of Ozymandias’s act.

One problem I always have with novel/comic to movie transfers is character voices – as you read a mental voice for each character develops, and then hearing them sound “different” on film irks me. And this was particularly apparent with “The Watchmen”, given how long it was and the visual component of the graphic novel – the Comedian and Silk Spectre were pretty close, Rorschach sounded like Dirty Harry as I said, and Nite Owl II sounded exactly like the bird-obsessed paedophile I’d envisioned him as. The one that pissed me off though was Dr Manhatten – he sounded more like a confused kid, instead of an emotionally-detatched superbeing – and I never got over it, right till the credits rolled.

Speaking of voices and sound, Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are a Changin’ ” was perfectly suited as an opening track, backing up the incredible imagery that provided tons of backstory. But Leonard Cohen needs to be fed to a pen full of starving Velociraptors for his version of “Hallelujah”, which suddenly started playing when Nite Owl and Silk Spectre started getting it on in the Owl-mobile. Not only is it the shittiest cover of a song that should only be performed by Jeff Buckley, the song itself was so inappropriate for the scene. The entire soundtrack was pretty hit and miss: some of the songs were a perfect compliment to the story and added to the tone of the moment – others were so jarring and poorly chosen I wanted to cover my ears and scream “LALALALALALALA” like a 4-year old.

And yes, I know the “Owl-mobile” is called “Archie” – screaming fan boys/girls are invited to eat glass instead of filling my email account with poorly spelled hate-mail.

The costume updates were fantastic – they all captured the essence of the originals, while removing the “cheese-factor” the old ones had. One of the best things about Rorschach and the Comedian was that their costumes were as hard and distinctive as they were – so Zack Snyder kept them unchanged! Nite Owl had a few minor changes, but was essentially the same. They didn’t shy away from Dr Manhatten’s nudity (although the blinding blueness certainly helped hide his super-wang).

Silk Spectre and Ozymandias were the most important costume changes though. The revealing nature of Silk Spectre II’s costume was updated to be as scandalous as the original was in 1987 (does the term “cameltoe” offend anyone? It does? Good, it was meant to) and Ozy’s costume lost all the original purple skirts and golden headbands for something more in keeping with his idolisation of Alexander the Great and Ramses II, without the character losing the obvious homosexual overtones.

Old vs. New Silk Spectre -
Hrmmmm, PVC thigh-highs you say?

On the whole? For all it’s faults I liked “The Watchmen” – sure I would have done a few things differently, but on the whole it is incredibly faithful to the original graphic novel. Many directors have tried and failed to bring this story to the big screen before, and I think Zack Synder has walked a fine line between offending generations of comic book fans and making a movie that’s even remotely accessable to the general public. I also found the film filled in minor points of the novel I’d missed, or highlighted connections I’d missed.

So for anyone interested in the Watchmen, I’d say take the time to read the graphic novel, and then see the film for what it is – an excellent adaptation of an original masterpiece.

Overall: 4 out of 5 Ginger Teabags

And for those of you that have read the graphic novel, I’m sure you’ll all appreciate the humor in this….