News – Seven little Lt. Steven Hauk impersonators

Well I had to come back for a little while, even if it has just ended up being me moving back into my old room and paying some bills. And while my temporary return to the Wild West has been for the most part terminally boring, I have been able to revel into some truely terrible stand-up comedy.

Okay, so comparing Tuesday night at Lazy Susan’s to Carrot-Top might seem be abit extreme. But for someone going to a comedy club for the first time, it certainly felt like my first time. There were no fireworks, no ringing bells, a fair bit of bleeding and alot of tears. Just like a de-flowered 16 year old girl, what I dreamt would be an exciting and wonderful experience instead left me feeling hollow and covered in the kind of unclean you can’t scrub away, no matter how much boiling water and steel wool you use.

Kind of like looking at this picture….

Carrot-Top: Your existance is a disservice to all comedians,
Gingers, and humanity as a whole…
Also, your nakedness brings tears to my eyes

There are always diamonds in the rough ofcourse, and last Tuesday was no exception. There was the lanky dude who got side-tracked during his routine and then decided to have a complete psychotic break on stage, losing it at the guy sitting next to me because he had a beard, screaming “ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME THERE, BEARDO?! HA?! ANSWER ME! HAVING FUN ARE WE?!” for about 5 minutes while “Beardo” smiled nervously. There was the dude playing some kind of generic foreigner, analysing the 6 catagories of comedian. And ofcourse there was the adorable blonde chick who gave us all a stunning musical-rendition of what she though “Scat Porn” was all about, before she discovered it infact has nothing to do with scat singing. Ofcourse, my opinion of her is probably tainted by the fact she was essentially dressed up as a Swedish milk maid.

Swedish Milkmaids – Implausibly funny to men the world over

Alas they were but 3 acts from stable of 10 for the night……. A 30% hit-rate isn’t something anyone should be proud of. I’m still trying to work out why we had one guy gibbering into the mic for 10 minutes about how his ex-girlfriend broke up with him because he admitted he had a dream about having sex with Shakira. Or why, when things started to come unstuck on stage, almost every male performer turned into a sexist asshole infront of a largely female audience.
Strange…….

I’m incredibly tempted to try stand-up there myself, knowing that any effort I make will a) probably lift the general comedic standard, and b) not hang over my head for long because I’m escaping back to Victoria. There’s no way in hell I’d try it in Melbourne, the veritable home of Australian comedy. But I suspect the standard here is low enough that I could make a good go at it.

Stay tuned Perth-based Ginge fans – there may just be cracks about eating babies and clubbing harp seals coming soon (for one night only) to a comedy den near you.