News – Xmas Shenanigans
People say I get abit funny around Christmas.
I’m either running around in an elves hat acting like a four-year old at work; off in some god-forsaken hell hole for work/funsies; or worst of all- stuck with the extended family and trying to avoid participating in a calculated and well-planned homicide dressed as Santa. Yes, I know it’s supposed to all be about family and togetherness, but damn it – if your good Christian aunty is killing the cheer with yet another whinge about how even her kids don’t like her, I don’t personally think “Mary, grow up – you’re acting like a fucking child” is out of line.
Strangely, I didn’t get a card this year…..
Thanks aunty – a lump of coal is exactly what I needed to
warm your cold dead heart
“Christmas lunch with the relatives” has always been (and probably will always be) something to be avoided at all cost. I’m not saying my immediate family and I are a picture of normality, but these people are bat-shit crazy. Even ignoring the entire half of the family that joined some bizarre kind of cult that become posessed by spirits and speak in tongues; we still have a convicted drug dealer, an uncle who – without a word of a lie – married a woman who’s real name was “Fook Mii”, and an orthodontist….
Okay, so the orthodontist isn’t that bad.
But by escaping to the old country for a few months I managed to dodge the worst of it, and have Christmas with someone else’s extended family. Gotta say getting smashed at Christmas lunch (with a family that’s not trying to conduct an exocisim) over some great food is the height of awesomeness. Can’t say helping to hook up the PS2, only to have them play “Singstar Disney Classics” was such a good idea though.
Also can’t say I didn’t then get up and attempt to sing “Just can’t wait to be King” from The Lion King – it would appear I’m as tone-deaf as my D in year 9 music said I was. Didn’t stop me singing everything from The Jungle Book though……
to this – nor can I deny it
So, in short kids get out there and start drinking with strangers, instead of your own family……. it leads to spilt drinks in front of other people’s grandmothers, struggling to complete sentences when speaking to other people’s uncles, or singing “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid with someone else’s cousin. Drinking with other people’s family also often leads to even more intoxicated Boxing Days, the likes of which I doubt I will live down for weeks to come.
Let’s just say there was a day at the country races, more Singstar Disney, and an above-ground pool involved………..
There are 3 Comments to "News – Xmas Shenanigans"
[...] a role model for under 30’s everywhere, I feel a certain obligation to be using my powers of persuasion to help guide the drooling masses. [...]
[...] other. Family members judge you at Christmas lunches. Family members expect you to respect them and not say they’re acting “like a fucking child” just because they’re your aunt…. Family members join fundamentalist christian cults that look down on your frequent and slanderous [...]
[...] And I was pretty sure that feeling is hunger, so I’m going to go eat something. In the meantime keep an eye out for a few fresh posts when I (briefly) return to being a semi-functional human being, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do around Christmas. [...]