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Menstrual Mondays – Treat the kids to Polar bear steaks after hockey!

Now I’ve deliberately avoided discussing the American presidential election before, simply because nowadays it just shits me. Any country stupid enough to re-elect clinically retarded “My Pet Goat” mega-fan who thinks he has a personal hotline to God, deserves everything they get – war, economic depression, global pariah status – the whole nine yards. I can kind of accept Bush weasling in the first time through some very clever electoral fraud - but to be elected again?

No wonder the “stupid American” stereotype is so strong.

“Hey soldier, this View-Master is broke”

A quote from their illustrious leader himself:

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Well it would appear they were fooled again George.

I followed American and Australian politics all through high school and uni until the 2004 US election, but Georgie Jr’s re-election was so off-putting I’ve barely paid any attention since. However the newest addition to this three-ringed circus the yanks call a presidential election has rejuvenated my interest: The Lipstick Pitbull

Sarah Palin -Not completely evil, just misunderstood

Trust me, I get it: Bible-bashing hicks have clearly over-run the US, and the only time they’re going to leave their trailer parks is to hunt and wall-mount animals/pro-choice activists, or to vote for people who seriously think that “dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time should be taught in schools” just 6,000 years ago.

And Palin is their cheerleader. I totally get why she’s so popular and exciting. I have to commend her for making American politics interesting again too – I never believed you could fit this much crazy in one person.

And while I may not appreciate Sarah’s belief that rape victims should pay for their own forensic test kits, or that Creationism (no, not Intelligent Design – good old fashioned Creationism) should be taught in schools, she is the only US politician discussing the greatest threat to democracy and freedom today:

Neo-Nazi Polar bears
And I bet you you thought all the Nazi’s escaped to South America

Palin is the only one to recognise the dire threat posed by the furry fascists and their insidious agenda – deliberately living over low grade oil reserves, in order to deny oil companies access to what little oil there is in Alaska. Together with those power-hungry Belugas, the evil SS-like Alaskan Timber Wolves, and ofcourse the militant Grizzly bears; Alaskan’s and their oil derricks have every right to be fighting back. And Sarah Palin is the one out there doing her best to make sure these white-furred bullys are stopped.

Palin has led the charge against the Nazi bear threat – she’s trying to sue, with the American Petroluem Institute, the US government for providing protection to the bears by listing them as endangered. She’s also targeting the supporters of these quadrupedal terrorists: offering a $150 bounty for the left leg of freshly killed wolves, legalising and running campaigns to encourage aerial hunting of wolves and Grizzly bears, and ofcourse opposing the listing of those damn noisy Cook Inlet Beluga whales as endangered.

White Belugas, the ultimate white-supremacists

And true to her motto of “Drill, baby, drill”, Sarah’s out there looking after the little guys at the same time: guys like Jeroen van der Veer – the CEO of Shell, who only just manages to put food on the table for his family with his meager 2.5 million pound salary.

Go Sarah! I know you’ve got everyone’s best interests at heart, plus people can easily relate to you as a beer-guzzling, moose-shootin’ hockey mom! Oh, and by “people” I ofcourse don’t mean me: I mean the beer-guzzling, moose-shootin rednecks of the country you live in.

So stick with it, good luck in the election, keep that pitbull charm and never give those damn dirty bears a chance to threaten democracy and freedom.

God Bless Alaska!

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